Beloved

Voices that seem a million miles removed ransack

My mind like hungry scavengers 

All the while seeming to be but a dream. 

Overwhelm rises but doesn’t quite reach the brink of my eyelids.

No tears can carry the sadness 

Or sharp words the anger swelling through my arms,

Causing an all-familiar ache and feeling of falling. 

Everything within wanting, waiting, writhing 

While my body sits frozen, my eyes fain brightness, my mouth forces a smile. 

The disassociation takes me back 

To days when I needed to convince everyone

–even me–

That I was a good big sister. 

The little girl can see her now, thirty-four and a professional

At the pretense of presence

The pretending people cannot push me too far. 

I wonder how long I can keep this up,

How long I’ll need to convince everyone

–even me–

That I’m a good leader. 

It’s not always like this.

Sometimes I thrive as I lead,

Grounded and growing, laughing and leading a song of joy.

But sometimes I catch my heart deep acting, 

My brain dysregulated by a slurry of lies about my identity. 

“Good leader, good leader, good leader” 

Something deep in my being yells at my heart,

And I succumb to the lies, convincing everyone

–even me–

That they are truth. 

My heart searches for escape but by grace

Finds resurrection. 

A message moored to the Rock of Ages

Whom waves woo me to kiss and hide,

Held and tempered from the storm of my past. 

The Most Resilient Leader looks at my frame

Soaked, cold, stiff, weeping. 

My eyes plead with Him to notice my accomplishments, 

To convinced everyone

–even me–

That I’m a good leader. 

He smiles and by one look at His face

I know He’s not going to say what I want.

My eyes are cast down on the waves again.

Disappointed and despairing of ever returning to joy,

I take a shuttering breath and reconsider quitting. 

Escaping by running from the pressure. 

But God. 

I feel Him lifting my chin, inviting me to look in His face again.

I’m not sure if I want to accept

His invitation to reorient. 

Then the wind catches His words,

Rushing through the storm and into my soul 

Warming and thawing me. 

“Beloved.” He says. “Beloved, beloved, beloved.

You don’t need to convince everyone 

–even Me–

That You are a good leader.

No longer do you simply do the actions to prove “good.” 

Your identity is secure and grounded

In My character and everlasting arms.

Whether you lead or follow, work or rest,

You are mine.

You can be.

You are loved.

Beloved forever.”

Awe Over Calling

Mountains made, molded, and mossed,

And tickled by stream and scurry of squirrels.

Waterfalls dripping o’er rock face embossed

With lichen lush laden in billowing swirls

Of midst and splendor.

Glaciers that crack as slowly they’re sliding

And traveling down the valleys to sea.

They beckon me come and rest, still abiding,

While standing in awe of Your sheer majesty.

Yet You still called me. 

I love all the ways You have called me to share

And am shocked by the clarity of time and place

And yet none of this is as good to compare

To the awe that I want to have of Your grace. 

Without awe, my calling is fading and lost

In ideas and plans, schedules and days.

I begin to see darkly, like windows with frost

But I want to delight, to rejoice, and to praise. 

Help me, like when I am hiking Rainier,

To keep my eyes upward and trained on Your grace.

Give me faith to obey You and ears to hear

More important than doing is viewing Your face

And all of Your splendor. 

The Verbs of Restoration

Lying on my face

Tears falling fast,

Pleading for grace

For things in the past,

Knowing my sin

Has hurt Your heart,

Wishing deep within

I had not taken part,

Spilling out words

Of confession and sorrow,

Praying I'm heard

And that on the morrow

Beginning anew

I might follow Your plan.

Kneeling before You,

I stretch forth my hands.

Opening my palms

And yielding all in them,

Feeling the calm

Of the heart that has no sin,

Hearing You call

"Come know and be known,"

Being unafraid to fall

In Your arms as Your own,

Feeling the laughter

And joy that You give,

Rising up after 

Freedom's mine to live.

Sensing Your presence,

Seeking You with all my might,

Worshipping Your essence,

Laughing in delight!

May I Do What You Bless

At times when the clouds 

Cover my skies

And I can't see the road

For the tears in my eyes,

When I'm mad at the world

And the people in it,

When I look at my failure

And want to forget it,

When all of my hopes

And all of my dreams,

Are falling around me 

(Or so it may seem),

May I look to Your heart

And take in Your presence.

May I hear Your soft whisper

And know its assurance.

May I feel Your embrace

And Your love that's unending.

May I be real with You

And forget my pretending.

May You smile on me, Abba!

My greatest desire

Is to know You more

At my day's-end than prior.

May You show me Your glory

And remind me of peace.

And at the end of it all,

May my faith be increased

That wherever You lead, 

I will answer You, "Yes."

May You not bless what I do;

But may I do what You bless.

Like Water in an Icy Stream...

Winter's chill takes the sensitivity out of my hands

As I walk along the snowy edge of the creek.

Doubt's chill takes the sensitivity out of my heart

As I walk through the cold paths of life.

I look at the water in the stream, moving, flowing, staying

Above freezing despite the icy conditions surrounding it.

I look at my own heart; is it moving and staying

Above the freezing point of indifference?

How does that water remain warm enough to respond

To it's destiny and speed onward to the sea?

How can I keep my heart warm enough to respond

To a holy God even when everything around me is frozen?

The water refuses to stop and hold contact

With the icy conditions that would lead it to lose it's warmth.

I must refuse to stop or hold contact

With the bitter fears that would lead me to lose His passion.

The stream must keep moving, busy

About the things it's meant to do.

I must keep moving, actively seeking

To know my Savoir's Presence.

Those droplets must keep themselves pursuing

The warmer waters that lie downstream.

No matter the world's chill, I desire yet warmer fellowship;

I must keep my eyes fixed on my goal: pursuing Him.

Your Nearness is My Good

With all that is within me,

I thirst to thirst for You.

You are the One I’m living for;

I want to want Your Truth.

I desire to desire Your desires

And to Your heart draw near,

To live Coram Deo

And to know Your presence here.

I know that You are Holy One,

And You I long to praise.

But I also know You’re “God with Us,”

Emmanuel, everyday.

No matter where I find myself

I want Your heart my heart to fill,

And the closer that I am to You,

I hope to be yet closer still.

I want to live in Your presence

And give You the praise that I should.

Like Moses, I cry, “Show me Your glory!”

Your nearness is my good.

~ ~ ~

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever… As for me, the nearness of God is my good…” (Psalm 73:25,26, 28).

~ ~ ~

“O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, any love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.” ~A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Christians are like Kites

Christians are like Kites…


A gust caught my kite, sending it diving. I quickly began pumping the string and walking backwards to keep it in the air. Still it continued plummeting. Hard I as tried to give it encouragement, in a few seconds it was lying upon the grass.

I enjoy kite flying and look forward to doing it every spring. It is calming and quiet, a simple pleasure. I especially enjoy those days when there are slight gusts, making it a challenge to keep the kite in the sky. This day was that kind of day and I was using the quiet time that I had to pray. I had been failing in an area of my thoughts, and every time I failed, I was struggling with going to Jesus for cleansing because I “had done it, again.” I was allowing Satan to fee me lies, and having trouble claiming forgiveness and grace to get up and fight again. Little did I know that the Lord wanted to challenge me, through an analogy concerning my kite and my Christian walk.


I walked toward the fallen kite. Upon reaching it, I hoisted it back up in the air and let go. Pump, pump, pump, release more string. Pump, pump, pump, release more string. Minutes later, I was quietly standing flying my kite when the Lord began to speak to me through my thoughts.

Imagine with me for a moment that you, as a Christian, are a kite in the sky of Life. Salvation, the string that connects you with the handle, Jesus, who reconciles you to the Father, the flyer, never breaks, but holds fast to you. Oftentimes a tail will help a kite to stay up; therefore, the tail is the promises of the Word of God. God, as the kite flyer, “pumps” you, encourages you to new heights as you respond to Him. And how much more does He send you encouragement when “gusts” of temptations come your way. Sometimes we, as sinners, fall even amid the multiple encouragements of our Lord. He comes and lovingly picks us up, offering us forgiveness and the chance to try again because of His Son. What would you think, if, coming upon your fallen kite, it looked up at you and said, “I don’t want to try again. I’ll just fall. I might as well give up.” After you got over being taken aback at your kite talking to you, you would probably be saddened. Don’t you think God is saddened when we refuse to accept His help, His forgiveness, His grace to try again?

Lost in my thoughts I tugged at the kite string. Confessing my sin, I asked Him to lift me up and help me fight the battle for holiness again. How foolish I had been to accept Satan’s lies as the truth! Now I saw them as they were, gusts from the enemy that were trying to keep me from doing what the Lord had called me to do, what He was encouraging me to do, what He was making possible through His Son – to keep flying higher for Him.

You Know Me

Lord, You know me – sweet the thought.
Hidden secret I have not.
When I sit or when I rise
Still You are there, yes, close beside.
You compass me in the way
Protect me by Your hand each day.
Lord, You are my Strength and Stay.
Lord, I rejoice for You know me.

Lord, You know me – All my heart
So I give You every part.
You understand me--all I do,
So I place my trust in You.
Upon me You lay Your hand
Lead me, Lord, in Your perfect plan
‘Till I reach the Promised Land:
Lord, I rejoice for You will know me.


Based on Psalm 139:1-5
Copyright Miriam Rainwater, March 13, 2008
All rights reserved.
Opt. Tune: Jesus, Lover of My Soul (ABERYSTWYTH)

Happy Day, Joyous Way!

As I walk in His way
All my heart rejoices
I sing praise to His name
Joining heav’nly voices.
I am His, He is mine,
Wondrous love is this!
Since my heart has been redeemed
He my substitute is.
Chorus

Chorus
Happy day! Joyous Way!
Walking with my Savior.
In His love, eyes above
Living in His favor.
Sins erased by His grace
Now I seek His face
Thus I live, my heart rejoicing
To His praise.

Once I walked in the path,
Road of sin and sorrow.
But that changed, now I have
Hope for all tomorrows.
He has giv’n, peace and heav’n,
Bought by His own life.
Now I rejoice in His love
Tell others of my Christ.
Chorus

Based on Psalm 68:3-4
Copyright Miriam Rainwater, February 20, 2008
All rights reserved.
Opt. Tune: Wonderful, Wonderful

I Will Seek

I will seek the Lord my Savior.
He is with me night and day.
He will not forget, forsake me
Close beside me He will stay.
When I am in tribulation
Trouble is upon my heart
Still I hear my Savior calling:
“Seek Me now, so come apart.
Come apart to meet me solely,
Seek My will and heart to do.
If you seek me so, you’ll find me.
Child, I love and care for you.”

Based on Duet. 4:29-31
Copyright Miriam Rainwater, February 3, 2008
All rights reserved.

At the Foot of the Cross

At the foot of the cross,
There my retreat
There where I found my Lord
His mercy Sweet.
There found I Heaven’s grace
His presence in that place
There at His feet,
There at His feet.

At the foot of the cross,
There my retreat.
From earth’s great driving wind,
Or scorching heat.
There I find open arms
Safety from all world’s harms
There at His feet
There at His feet.

At the foot of the cross
There my retreat.
There ev’ry morn and night
I Jesus meet.
There I find joy and rest
There I find Heaven’s best
There at His feet,
There at His feet.



Copyright Miriam Rainwater, January 16, 2008
All rights reserved.
Opt. Tune: More Love to Thee

I’ve Found the Living Water

I searched in vain for something
To satisfy my soul
But in earthly venues found not anything.
‘Til the day I heard the sweetness
That made me spirit whole
‘Twas the melody of Heaven’s Living Spring.

Chorus:
I’ve found the Living Water,
The Fountain of His love.
By the still waters He leads me by and by.
If the valley lies below me,
Or storm clouds reign above,
Still by Jesus Christ my soul is satisfied.

O the melody of the Jesus,
His presence in this place,
O, the ocean depths of His great victory,
O, the floodgates of His mercy,
The wide seas of His grace,
This and more the blessings that He gave to me!

As I press on, persevering,
I lift my voice in song
Singing praises to the Source of strength and life.
I shall never need to wander
Or thirst, or seek, or long,
For I find my All in All in Jesus Christ!


Copyright Miriam Rainwater, January 15, 2008
All rights reserved.
Opt. Tune: Lily of the Valley
Based on John 4:1-30

Walking in His Presence

Walking in His presence, thus my heart is glad
In my Lord rejoicing with salvation clad.
He will hold me safely, He will not forsake,
Nothing can my faith in Christ my Savoir shake.

Chorus:
Walking in His presence, O, what joy!
Daily walking where none can annoy.
In His presence, ever I abide.
Christ before, behind, yea, even by my side.

Walking in His presence, all along the way
Following my Savior’s plans by night and day.
He will show the way of truth, the path of life.
Thus I press on, fearing not the toil or strife.

Walking in His presence, Satan cannot harm.
I am safe while lending firmly on His arm.
Any moment, He will hear my feeble call.
He is my Protector and my All in All.

Walking in His presence in the great and small;
Trusting Him to keep me humble, lest I fall.
I will do my best for Jesus in all things
For I am a servant of the King of Kings!

Walking in His presence, ‘till this life is o’er,
‘Till I go to spend forever with my Lord.
E’er then within His presence I will be
Walking in His presence for eternity!


Copyright Miriam Rainwater, September 15, 2007
All rights reserved.
Opt. Tune: Count Your Blessings

I Spent Today…

I spent today with Jesus,
And it was a blessed day.
The path grows ever sweeter
While upon the narrow way.

I spent today with Jesus
All my sadness did depart.
And I found myself rejoicing
For Jesus ruled my heart.

I spent today with Jesus
When temptations came my way.
I clung fast to Christ-bought vict’ry
And to Satan answered ‘nay.’

I spent today with Jesus
Looking up into His face.
I felt His smile upon me
Full of mercy, love, and grace.

I spent today with Jesus
Sought to please my Lord alone.
As I joyed in the assurance
That I was His very own.

I spent today with Jesus
His pleasure: my delight.
Praying earnestly each moment
That I would choose the right.

I spent today with Jesus
When others ‘stepped’ on me
I cried to Him for patience
To respond to them kindly.

I spent today with Jesus
When emotions tried to reign
I turned my heart to Jesus
And I cried upon His name.

I spent today with Jesus
And found all that I had sought.
And of all the things I pondered
Jesus was my sweetest thought.

I spent today with Jesus
May my message one day be:
“I spent my life with Jesus,
Now I’ll spend eternity!”

Copyright Miriam Rainwater, November 25, 2006
All rights reserved.

Lonely No Longer

I once walked alone, down roads of this world
I knew not of Christ and His word.
But praise be to Him
He took all my sin
And He filled my heart with His joy.

Chorus:
Lonely, lonely no longer,
For Jesus walks close to my side.
Faithful to the end
My heavenly friend
And He fills my heart with His joy.


I still sought the praise of those that I knew
But friends that are faithful are few.
Yet Jesus was there
I knew that He cared
And He filled my heart with His joy.

I’ve chosen to joy in all of my life
For I have a friend – Jesus Christ.
Though foes may assail
And though friends may fail
Still He fills my heart with His joy.

Opt. Tune: Calvary Covers it All


Copyright Miriam Rainwater, October 26, 2006
All rights reserved.

Alone with my Jesus

I come to my closet, alone with my Jesus
This is a need in my life day by day.
In quiet silence I hear His voice calling:
“Be still, My child, and know ye My way.”

Here in my closet, alone with my Jesus
Talking, engaging, and lending an ear.
Keeping my heart’s eyes on His face and promise
Leaving my doubts and my needs and my fears.

I come to my closet, alone with my Jesus
To be transformed by His mercy and grace.
More like my Jesus, He gives me His likeness,
When I come alone to a still, quiet place.

Copyright Miriam Rainwater, September 17, 2006
All rights reserved.

Here I Will Rejoice

Here I will rejoice
The shadow of Thy wings
Is spread abroad my soul to hide;
So I will sing.

Here I will give thanks
Rich blessing doth abound.
I seek Thy face and walk Thy path.
Thy praise I’ve found.

Here I will rejoice
Thy holy will is best.
Within my Jesus I abide
And safely rest.

Copyright Miriam Rainwater, July 31, 2006
All rights reserved.

The Place Where I Abide

Full of the Savoir, and His precious grace.
My place of Comfort and my Hiding Place.
When I seek my Jesus and His holy face –
The place where I abide.

He draws me still nearer and walks by my side.
He is my Lord, my Companion, my Guide.
And here I have fellowship with Jesus who died –
The place where I abide.

Sweet place of assurance, within which I rest
In hours of temptation or in daily tests.
I’m joying in Jesus for His ways are best –
In Jesus I abide.

Copyright Miriam Rainwater, July 15, 2006
All rights reserved.

Tis Sweet to be Alone with Jesus

O, ‘tis sweet to be alone with Jesus -
Resting here within the place of prayer,
Calling on my Father in my trouble,
Casting on His shoulders all my care,
Grasping grace to keep my feet from falling,
Pressing onward still to reigns above,
Glorying in everything He brings me,
Hoping always, ever in His love.

O, ‘tis sweet to be alone with Jesus
Though the pains of life intensify.
He has promised always to be with me
As the hours and days and years go by.
He has promised beauty for my ashes
Joyful blessings from His loving hand.
He will give and take unto His purpose
‘Til He brings me to the promised land.

O, ‘tis sweet to be alone with Jesus!
He who shall my Life and Comfort be!
Giving joy and gladness for my morning,
Robes of praise and grace through Calvary.
Cleansed from evil by the blood of Jesus
He forgives my sin before His throne.
O, ‘tis sweet to fellowship with Jesus –
He is mine and I am His alone!


Tune: Day by Day
Copyright Miriam Rainwater, May 28, 2006

All rights reserved.